Ways to kill Jason Dean
by TheDarkTwistedFantasy
Summary: Chapter 6 Up! We have two guest stars from a recognizable show! Come on and read, not the best chapter but it will have to do. Sigh! Review
1. Opening Scene

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, I'm just borrowing the character. I wish I could keep Cole and hug him all day. Anyway here's a story I came up with a couple days ago. There will be many guest appearances, from people dead and alive. I hate Jason, but since I don't watch the show I don't have to see him.  
  
Warning: Phoebe and Jason die in about every story. Phoebe dies once in awhile. Phoebe and Jason lovers leave now or forever hold your piece.  
  
Profiles:  
  
Piper: Loves tight leather, never wears a bra, gets into bar fights, and checks out Cole whenever she gets a chance. Hates Jason so teams up with Cole to kill him. Also hates Phoebe for hurting Cole.  
  
Paige: Hates Jason cause he rejected her. A bit of a slut. Loves peanut butter and jelly. Kinda bulimic, and flirts with any guy. A total klutz.  
  
Phoebe: Conceited, stupid, airhead, trapped her a fairytale world. Always confused. Tries to steal her sister's powers. Always ordering people around. So in love with Jason.  
  
Leo: Always complaining, a total drama queen, loves Piper, and beer, Jealous of Cole.  
  
Prue: Annoys everyone, a clean freak, a counselor, always bragging about Andy. Jealous of Piper cause she gets the better clothes and has a handsome partner in crime. (Turns up once in a while).  
  
Andy: Likes to play cops and robbers with Prue. Complains about being dead. Cole's best friend, so he also hates Jason. Him and Cole are always up to something wicked.  
  
Cole Turner: ( Sorry I'm drooling) Pretty much a playboy, has a bad side, hates Jason because he stole Phoebe. Fools around with Piper. Checks out Prue. Him and Paige complain about eachother. Is more powerful than The Charmed Ones.  
  
Finally the star of the story: Jason Dean: A pretty boy, pretty much Phoebe's twin. Bosses everyone around. A fraidy cat, is totally whipped by Phoebe.  
  
Paige comes running on the living room.  
  
"Got it" screamed Paige wildly clutching a potion.  
  
A red horned demon looks at her. "Paige, pillow" said Piper.  
  
Paige trips over the pillow and falls to the ground dropping the potion by the demon's feet. He screams in agony and disappears. Paige stood up and does a cheer dance.  
  
"I killed the demon" cheered Paige.  
  
Piper tried to freeze her with no luck. Paige peeked over the couch.  
  
"Phoebe's knocked out" said Paige looking at her unconscience sister.  
  
"Well leave her" said Piper.  
  
"She probably got herself knocked out on purpose to play the part of sleeping beauty" said Paige.  
  
Jason runs in looking doopey.  
  
"Where's my Phoebe pie?" asked Jason.  
  
Piper points to Phoebe on the floor.  
  
"Oh my love" sobs Jason. He kneels by her. "When I lay a kiss upon your silky lips you will wake up"  
  
He lays one on her and Phoebe's eyes flutter open. Paige watches with a bag of popcorn and takes a kleenex.  
  
"Fastfoward" mutters Piper.  
  
"Jason you saved me" said Phoebe softly. She looks into his eyes and they kiss furiously.  
  
Paige blows her nose.  
  
"Give me a break" cried Piper.  
  
Paige hands her a piece of her kit kat bar. Piper spots Cole in the kitchen. She runs in.  
  
"My sexy wildcat" says Piper seductively.  
  
Cole looks past her and into the living room. "what happened?"  
  
"I got a boo boo" said Piper pointing to the cut on her arm.  
  
Leo runs in and heals it.  
  
"I took care of it" said Leo.  
  
Piper groans.  
  
"Gosh Leo get a life" says Piper.  
  
Leo starts to whimper and runs out of the room crying.  
  
"That Jason is really annoying the hell out of me" growls Cole. He conjures up an athame.  
  
"Can I do it?" begs Piper. "I'll be you love slave for the rest of my pathetic life"  
  
"Ok" says Cole softly. "Only if you promise to do it slowly. I have friends in the business if you want some pointers"  
  
"I'm okay" said Piper. She touches his leg.  
  
"Not now princess" scolds Cole.  
  
"I like it when you talk business" said Piper.  
  
She sees Jason buttoning his shirt. Cole watches her in delight.  
  
"Demon" screams Piper flinging the athame towards Jason.  
  
Phoebe screams and dives in slow motion. Paige is puking out the window.  
  
"Damn" cries Piper. She freezes the athame and Jason. Phoebe is still falling in slow motion. Phoebe falls to the ground and Piper unfreezes the athame. It hits Jason in the heart. "Bingo"  
  
Jason falls to the floor, Phoebe shrieks.  
  
"Phoebe it's okay I didn't know" lied Piper forcing out tears.  
  
"No" said Phoebe. "He got blood all over my new boots"  
  
She picks up her sceptor and taps Jason. He comes alive. Paige is passed out on the floor from all the commotion. Piper falls to her knees.  
  
"No" screams Piper.  
  
Damn, Phoebe had a way to bring Jason back. I hope you keep reading and death ideas are appreciated. Please RevIeW! 


	2. Damsel in distress

Ways to kill Jason Dean 2  
  
Phoebe levitates down the stairs with a tiara on and a ball gown. She walks into the kitchen where Leo is banging on the table demanding food. Piper has on head phones and cooking pancakes.  
  
"I want an active power" sobbed Phoebe. "I'm the best and I want to play"  
  
"I want food" chanted Leo. "I want food"  
  
Piper took off her headphones. "Everyone shut up"  
  
Phoebe starts to cry.  
  
"Leo I'm not your chamber wife" said Piper. She thinks about  
  
Cole and how she likes to whip him. He gave her an engraved whip for her birthday.  
  
"Piper don't be so kinky" said Leo. "I need to go read the bible before you poison me with your demon and kinky talk"  
  
Piper rolled her eyes not having any idea what Leo was talking about. Phoebe was twirling with her dress. Jason popped in the kitchen.  
  
"Do we lock the doors anymore?" asked Piper.  
  
"Not since the bad bad demons shimmer in here" said Phoebe.  
  
"Phoebe you're an advice columnist and your talking like that" said Piper.  
  
"Jason, dance with me" ordered Phoebe.  
  
Jason licked his lips and danced with his beloved. Prue orbs in causing Piper to curse.  
  
"A visit from the great one" said Piper sarcastically. "What's with the white dress?"  
  
"I'm an angel" said Prue.  
  
"No" said Jason. "That's my queen"  
  
Phoebe kissed Jason roughly and they fell on top of the table.  
  
"I can't work with horny people in here" screamed Piper.  
  
She walked into the living room and saw Cole and Andy playing ring around the rosie.  
  
"They all fall down" they cried childishly.  
  
"Did you see the way my baby fell" sobbed Prue happily. "So perfectly"  
  
"For the love of god" muttered Piper.  
  
"Help" screamed Paige. "Damsel in distress"  
  
They ran upstairs. Cole caught Paige as she fainted.  
  
"Eww" whined Cole throwing her on the floor. She fell with a thud, and Piper laughed.  
  
"Andy, Cole did you do this?" asked Prue angrily.  
  
Cole and Andy snickered spotting the 15 snakes on Paige's bed.  
  
"I thought it was the slut's room" said Cole defensively.  
  
"No it's down the hall" said Prue waving her hand and they were gone.  
  
"Being dead sucks" said Andy. "It's not fair you get to cheat death"  
  
Cole smiled. "Should've been evil"  
  
Cole looks at Prue's butt.  
  
What a tight piece of meat, thought Cole.  
  
Prue swung around and Cole started to whistle and look at the ceiling. Piper ran out of the room crying. Cole started to follow her when he was splashed with holy water. Leo had on a priest outfit, glasses, and was clutching a bottle of holy water.  
  
"Out of this house demon" cried Leo.  
  
"Dude you've been watching too much of The Exorcist" laughed Cole going into Piper's room.  
  
Piper was sprawled out on the bed.  
  
"I never get any" whined Piper. "You still love Phoebe"  
  
Cole scooped up Piper.  
  
"We'll play when Jason Dean is gone" said Cole evily.  
  
Leo walked in drunkenly and Cole shimmered away.  
  
"I want a divorce" screamed Piper.  
  
"Piper.. no" begged Leo. "I'll do whatever you want"  
  
Piper slammed her door and ran downstairs. Jason presented her with a flower.  
  
"For my beloved's sister" said Jason stupidly. "Now my limo will be here"  
  
He slapped Piper's butt.  
  
"Sexual Harassment" cried Piper. "Help"  
  
Suddenly a whole bunch of cops kicked down the door. Andy orbed next to Darryl and they were dressed like Miami Vice, and the theme song is in the background. Paige ran downstairs.  
  
"I love Miami Vice" screams Paige.  
  
Darryl pulls out his gun as Jason runs around wildly. Andy wants to shoot him. Prue appears.  
  
"Let my baby shoot the bad guy" screams Prue.  
  
"My perfect butt was invaded" says Piper.  
  
Andy and Darryl fight over the gun.  
  
"Fine" pouts Darryl. He hands the gun to Andy.  
  
"Alright how do you use one of these things again?" asks Andy.  
  
"Hurry up" cries everyone.  
  
Andy holds up his gun and shoots. A body falls to the floor.  
  
Piper runs over and starts crying.  
  
"You didn't get him" cries Piper.  
  
Leo walks in wearing a Shakespearean costume and holding a skull. "You shot Phoebe you idiot" shouts Darryl. He snatched the gun away.  
  
"Ding dong the witch is dead" cheers Cole shimmering next to Piper.  
  
Jason runs into Cole.  
  
"He touched me" cries Cole.  
  
"It's okay" says Piper.  
  
Finally Darryl shoots down Jason.  
  
"Let's go troops" orders Darryl.  
  
Prue jumps on Andy.  
  
"Wasn't my baby great?" cries Prue.  
  
"Since your baby shot down slutty" said Piper. "You will clean all this blood"  
  
"Whatever" says Prue.  
  
"To be or not to be that is the question" recites Leo.  
  
Alright time to review!!!! Review, Review! Rate it, give ideas, whatever! 


	3. The Bet

Ways to kill Jason Dean 3  
  
Piper, Paige, Phoebe, and Jason stand up and clap. They are at some school auditorium watching Leo do a play. Leo joins them.  
  
"We are going to have a cast party so I'll meet you guys at home" said Leo breathlessly.  
  
"Ok, fruitcup" mutters Piper.  
  
"What did you say?" asked Leo.  
  
"Nothing" said Piper innocently. "Wow am I tired?"  
  
"Let's go home" said Jason.  
  
Piper drives home in a mad fury. She runs to her room locking the door.  
  
"Cole, sweetheart" calls Piper. "Cole, come pet your kitten"  
  
Cole shimmers in wearing a Speedo and goggles. Piper blushes. Cole noticing he hasn't change spins around and his clothes change to a black suit.  
  
"Thought you had to go to a meeting" asks Piper.  
  
"I went surfing with a bunch of buddies in Australia" says Cole.  
  
"Oh" says Piper sadly. "I always wanted to go there, and you left me to watch my fruity husband perform"  
  
Cole hugs her. "We'll go next week"  
  
"Yay" shouts Piper.  
  
"By the way Prue was in here earlier checking out your clothes" said Cole shimmering away.  
  
Phoebe bursts in angrily.  
  
"I heard a male voice in here" screams Phoebe angrily. "I'm telling. Where is he?"  
  
"What are you talking about, that was me working on my impressions" lied Piper.  
  
"That may work on dad, but that doesn't work here" cried Phoebe.  
  
"Fine I was with your hot ex-husband" said Piper.  
  
"He was in this house" screamed Phoebe. "With Jason here"  
  
"I was doing him like there was no tomorrow" laughed Piper. "He says I'm better than you"  
  
"Yeah" dared Phoebe. "Care to wager"  
  
"You're on sister" cried Piper angrily.  
  
"Tonight" said Phoebe. "Whoever can go the longest"  
  
Damn, thought Piper. It's going to be hard to get him here  
  
"Deal" said Piper. "Piece of cake"  
  
"Alright" said Phoebe. "We need witness'"  
  
"Wait, I'm not having an audience" said Piper.  
  
"I mean to witness the bet" said Phoebe.  
  
"Paige" screamed Piper.  
  
Paige orbed in wiping her mouth.  
  
"Were you throwing up your organs again?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"I do it once by accident and I don't here the end of it" said Paige.  
  
"Anyway Phoebe and I are having a bet of who can have do it the longest" said Piper.  
  
"One you have to witness our deal" said Piper. "Two you have to keep Leo busy and out of the house"  
  
"Eww" cried Paige. "You two are going to do a lesbian thing"  
  
"No, you airhead" said Phoebe. "Me and Jason versus Piper and Cole"  
  
"Cole this, Cole that" whined Paige. "I hate that demon"  
  
Piper slapped Paige, and threw a fireball at her. She went up in flames.  
  
"How the hell did you do that?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"Cole bought me a fireball stone" said Piper. "It only lasts a day"  
  
"That's not fair" cried Phoebe. "He only gave me cheesy love lines"  
  
"We need another witness" said Piper vacuuming Paige's ashes.  
  
"Prudence Halliwell" cried Phoebe.  
  
Prue arrived in her bra and panties.  
  
"Oh" said Phoebe. "Is that Victoria's secret?"  
  
"No" said Prue. "It's Whitelighter's secret"  
  
"It's not a secret anymore" said Piper annoyed.  
  
She handed Prue a black robe.  
  
"Where's Paige?" asked Prue.  
  
"Oh Piper smoked her ass" said Phoebe filing her nails.  
  
"Good I hated that bitch anyway" said Prue.  
  
"Anyway, I heard your bet already" said Prue. "Can I go?"  
  
"Wait" cried Piper. "What about Leo?"  
  
"He's out getting drunk" said Prue. "I'll bring him home and put him in the basement"  
  
"Thanks sis" said Piper hugging her.  
  
"Prue get your sexy behind up here right now" screamed a voice.  
  
"That's my man talking" said Prue. "Well off to playing Miami Vice"  
  
She orbed out.  
  
"I have some shopping to do" said Phoebe scampering off.  
  
"Phoebe" screamed Piper.  
  
She popped back in.  
  
"We didn't bet anything" said Piper.  
  
"Oh" said Phoebe thinking.  
  
"Do you think we can get the guys in here?" asked Piper.  
  
"Jason, you peasant" cried Phoebe.  
  
Jason appeared at her side.  
  
"Ok" said Piper. "Cole you naughty boy come pet your kitten"  
  
Phoebe crossed her arms. Cole shimmered in with a bloody athame, he quickly hid it.  
  
"What's up?" asked Cole innocently.  
  
"Phoebe and I came up with a bet of who can go at it the longest" said Piper.  
  
"Which means no powers, Cole Turner" scolded Phoebe.  
  
"We don't need powers" said Cole nastily. "But with human boy you might need them"  
  
"I'm fine thank you" said Jason talking in his business voice.  
  
"Anyway" said Piper. "We need to bet on something"  
  
"I got it" cried Prue orbing in.  
  
"Whoa Prue" cried Cole. Piper covered his eyes.  
  
Prue was half naked. Piper handed her a robe.  
  
"Ok" said Prue putting it on.  
  
"If Phoebe and Jason win" said Prue. "Piper you give up your club, and Cole you give up your powers"  
  
"I'm not giving my club to this whore" cried Piper.  
  
"If you're chicken" taunted Jason.  
  
"If Cole and Piper win, Jason you have to give Piper the newspaper, and Phoebe you have to."  
  
"Move out" cried Piper.  
  
"No" said Prue.  
  
"Pose nude for playboy" cried a voice.  
  
"Andy, we don't get that up there" cried Prue.  
  
"Slutzoid wouldn't have a problem with that" muttered Piper.  
  
Phoebe was powdering her nose.  
  
"Spend the night in hell" said Cole.  
  
"I like that" said Piper.  
  
"Ok" said Prue. "Mr. Lawyer draw up the papers"  
  
Cole waved his hand and four contracts appeared on the table as Andy orbed in looking incredibly handsome. He high fived Andy. They all signed it.  
  
"Let's begin" said Phoebe.  
  
"I'll be peeking in from time to time" said Prue.  
  
Phoebe and Jason ran off. Piper flicked her hand and Cole was totally naked. She was dressed like a cowgirl.  
  
"Giddy up" screamed Piper.  
  
  
  
Phoebe watched boredly as Jason neatly took off his clothes, folding everything and placing them neatly on the chair.  
  
"Hurry up" screamed Phoebe.  
  
  
  
{Ok so they are doing their business. I think we'll just go downstairs and see if Leo's home yet. Though it is noisy in the whole house.}  
  
Prue is orbing Leo to the basement.  
  
"Prue, don't tell" begs Leo. "Please"  
  
"Shut up you fag" cries Prue.  
  
"If you tell what happened" threatens Leo. "I'll tell about that two year lesbian affair in college"  
  
"Leo don't you know you're my best friend" said Prue.  
  
{ Alright so that was too much information, whoa. Lesbian relationship. Wonder if Andy knows}  
  
"I know" cried Andy. "I saw some flashbacks and it was kind of sexy, but it was a 5 month lesbian relationship"  
  
{ Whatever, Andy go to 7 eleven and get yourself some playboy. Alright sun's up let's see who won by our judge Prue}  
  
  
  
Piper placed her face in a bucket of ice. Cole is breathing heavily, sweating the evil baddy that he is.  
  
"You're skilled" said Piper.  
  
"Well Pipes I have to go" said Cole. "I know we won"  
  
They heard loud crying in the next room. They got dressed and ran into Phoebe's room where Jason was lying on the bed, dead.  
  
"It was too much for him" sobbed Phoebe. "I kept pushing him and pushing him"  
  
"We won" screamed Piper. "I now own the hottest club and a newspaper"  
  
Prue orbed in dressed like a referee.  
  
"Piper and Cole the winners" said Prue.  
  
{ Like you didn't see that one coming}  
  
"No" screamed Phoebe. "I can't take that pain again"  
  
Cole grabs her naked butt and shimmers her away. Piper, Prue, and Andy follow.  
  
"Whoa it's hot here" said Piper careful not to fall into the pit.  
  
"Dress her" said Andy looking away.  
  
Cole looked at Phoebe.  
  
"Phoebe two words" said Cole nastily. "Plastic surgery"  
  
"I hate you" screamed Phoebe. "Well it's just a night"  
  
"On the contrary my dear" said Cole.  
  
"What?" cried Phoebe.  
  
Andy hands her the contract. "Read the fine print"  
  
Phoebe reads. "Eternity"  
  
Andy smirks.  
  
"I swear I will kill you all when I get out of here" said Phoebe.  
  
{She rants on and on}  
  
Prue "accidentally" bumps into her and Phoebe falls into the fiery pit. Prue sheds a few tears.  
  
"Wow" said Cole. "Nice fireworks"  
  
"Ok" said Prue wiping her tears. "Who's up for a game of pool?"  
  
"Couples bet" said Cole.  
  
"You're on" said Andy and they orbed/shimmered away.  
  
Ok, review, review!! Gets better, promise. 


	4. Hot Dog

Ways to kill Jason 4  
  
Leo ran in the kitchen looking like Richard Simmons.  
  
"Pump it up" shouted Leo.  
  
Piper dropped her cookie. She had on heavy black eyeliner.  
  
"Leo stop being a fag" yelled Piper. "Grow up"  
  
Leo ran outside crying. Phoebe walked in looking ugly as ever.  
  
"You look like Bozo the clown" laughed Piper.  
  
"Jason likes it" said Phoebe.  
  
"Well now me being your boss I say you drop the tramp wear" said Piper finishing her cookies.  
  
Cole shimmered in looking absolutely gorgeous.  
  
{Pause. Fixing a nice image of Cole......., (Blue screen)- Stay tuned while the writer drools......, Sorry back to the program}  
  
"Get out of my house" screamed Phoebe.  
  
"Shut up whore" said Cole. "I'm here to visit your hot sister"  
  
Paige runs in. "Me?"  
  
She rubs up against Cole.  
  
"Eww" shouts Cole. He banishes her to hell.  
  
Phoebe punches him. Piper slaps her and they get into a fight.  
  
"Cat fight" whistled Cole.  
  
Phoebe getting totally punked by Piper runs upstairs crying.  
  
"That was harsh" said Cole kissing her. "What's with Richard Simmons outside?"  
  
"That's my faggy husband" said Piper. "Can you please bring my bulimic sister back?"  
  
"Sure" said Cole. He waves his hand and Paige appears in tears.  
  
"It was so awful" said Paige.  
  
"Go throw up somewhere" yells Cole.  
  
Paige runs away tripping over. nothing.  
  
"She loves to knock herself out" said Piper.  
  
"Is your whole family nuts?" asked Cole.  
  
"You're not the one to talk" said Piper.  
  
"Piper I have a surprise for you" said Cole.  
  
"Ok" said Piper.  
  
Someone flames next to him.  
  
"Wow" cries Piper.  
  
"He'll be your guidance" said Cole. "He's a bit of a moron now, and a bit fruity like your fag husband, but he's cool"  
  
"Wow" cries Piper. "My very own Source"  
  
{The Source is voice activated, comes with cool nifty powers such as electricity and shapeshifting, trained to hate Phoebe and Jason, also comes with apron, cooking skills, a wardrobe, cooking and cleaning lessons, and is very educational on weapons training and Killing your sister and her pretty boy boyfriend 101. We are not responsible for scorch marks or if the Source starts acting gay. Batteries not included. Sold no where on this entire planet}  
  
"Hi Piper" said Source. "Sorry for the four year trying to kill you thing"  
  
"It's okay" said Piper hugging him. "Whoa you stink"  
  
{The Source is also quite sensitive}  
  
"Piper you shouldn't have done that" said Cole.  
  
The Source runs around shooting fireballs everywhere.  
  
"The roof, the roof, the roof, is on fire" sings Paige waking up.  
  
"Can I kill her?" asked Cole.  
  
"Nah" said Piper. "I have to have at least one likable sister"  
  
"I need some sex" whines Paige. " I actually went a whole day without any sex"  
  
Cole rolls his eyes.  
  
"Unless, a big bad demon wants to" says Paige.  
  
"Get a life raggedy ann" shouts Cole. "I'm a one woman man"  
  
"Yeah, in this house" scoffs the Source.  
  
"So like The Source is kind of dull" said Piper. "What other name have you got, normal I mean"  
  
"I always liked Craig" said Source.  
  
"We need something that the readers will know it's you" said Piper.  
  
"Just cut "the" out of his title" said Cole.  
  
"Balthazar you are so smart" cried Source.  
  
"Oh I have my own little battle demon" said Piper happily.  
  
Phoebe walks in with Jason who is on a leash.  
  
"Piper why is The Source in our kitchen?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"Cole gave him to me" said Piper. "Isn't he precious?"  
  
"No" said Phoebe nastily.  
  
{Ok now The Source unleashes a whole load of curses in several different languages}  
  
Piper watches in glee as The Source shot a fireball at Phoebe's dog.  
  
"Sorry I roasted your dog" said Source.  
  
"That wasn't a dog" whimpered Phoebe. "Oh my Jason"  
  
She sheds one tear and then slaps on her headphones and starts dancing. Piper aims at the headphones and explodes it. In the process something electric happens and electrocutes Phoebe. She drops to the floor dead. "Ding Dong the witch is dead" cheers Cole.  
  
{Ok so that was short, so what. Next chapter will be kind of crowded so stay tuned while I find some other ways of killing pretty boy Dean. Rubs hands together evilly. ReViEW!} 


	5. Hires and Fires

Ways to kill Jason 5  
  
"Ok people" cried Leo, he walks in the kitchen wearing a director's outfit. "I wrote a screenplay and I'm holding auditions in the living room this afternoon"  
  
Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Prue, Andy, Jason, Cole, and Source looks at him.  
  
"A play?" asked Source. "Oh I can't wait"  
  
"Oh something for me to shine in" cries Phoebe swinging her hair slapping Paige in the face.  
  
Paige grabs the scissors and cuts a piece of Phoebe's hair, but with Phoebe being so clueless she doesn't notice. Cole and Piper are playing footsie under the table.  
  
"If you guys want to audition that's fine with me" said Leo. "The more the merrier"  
  
Andy is dreaming up ways to kill Jason. Jason is staring into his compact mirror. Piper is contemplating whether or not to blow up the mirror.  
  
"Piper, dear" said Leo. "Do you mind catering?"  
  
"What if I want to audition?" asked Piper.  
  
"Well you guys our playing yourselves" said Leo. "It's sort of a documentary"  
  
He tosses scripts at them.  
  
"I only have one page" whines Cole.  
  
Well I don't like you, thought Leo. You arrogant ..  
  
"Leo" cried Piper. "You should give Cole more, I mean you gave Jason more than Cole"  
  
Shut up you cheating wench, thought Leo.  
  
"Yeah, Leo" said Andy and Prue.  
  
"Fine" screams Leo.  
  
"Look I have an affair with Cole" said Piper innocently. "Leo I would never think of cheating on you"  
  
"Yeah right" whispers Paige.  
  
"Paige lose any weight?" asked Prue.  
  
"Well I took Cole's advice and went running in The Underworld, cause you sweat a lot" said Paige. "Cole why did you send me down corridor B, you said that was the spa room when in fact a bunch of vampires were there and they tortured me"  
  
"Sorry" said Cole innocently. "That was actually corridor C"  
  
Paige got up to make a call. Source left to go do some grocery shopping.  
  
"Thanks Andy for calling that favor in" said Cole.  
  
"Oh and I had to steal blood at the blood bank as pay" said Andy.  
  
"It was for a good cause" said Cole.  
  
"And what is that?" asked Andy.  
  
"My insanity" said Cole.  
  
"What are the auditions for?" asked Jason.  
  
"We need some demons and I need a crew" said Leo.  
  
"Well I'm off to get set up" said Leo. "I have a whole crowd coming"  
  
He skipped merrily away.  
  
"Ok" said Piper. "Paige go call a one eight hundred number the adults have to talk business"  
  
"Ok" said Paige childishly. She disappeared into the basement.  
  
"Alright dead people leaving" said Prue orbing out.  
  
"Bye Andy" said Cole. "You're still dead"  
  
He orbed away.  
  
"Ok" said Piper. "Me being the owner decided on another section of the newspaper"  
  
"What?" cried Jason.  
  
"Shut up" cried Piper. She froze his mouth. "Alright we need a male prospective on the advice column"  
  
"Well, who do you have in mind?" asked Phoebe.  
  
"One and only" said Cole raising his hands and lightening shoots.  
  
"No way" said Phoebe.  
  
"Fine you're fired" said Piper.  
  
"Fired?" cried Phoebe.  
  
"Your ratings are dropping" said Piper. "Sorry, I'll find a new advice columnist, clean out your desk tomorrow morning"  
  
Phoebe starts to cry hysterically. Jason is smacking his mouth.  
  
"We were joking about Cole giving advice" said Piper.  
  
Cole and Piper snickered and left the kitchen.  
  
"Well let me go pick up some stuff for this audition" said Piper.  
  
"I'll see you there then" said Cole.  
  
He shimmers away.  
  
{Gosh he shimmers so sexy}  
  
Phoebe is making love to Jason on the kitchen table again.  
  
"You're so sexy" said Jason.  
  
"You are too Mr. Man" said Phoebe teasingly.  
  
They roll off the table and cry out in pain. Paige emerges from the basement.  
  
"Are they gone?" asked Paige.  
  
"Yes" said Phoebe.  
  
"Good" said Paige. "Is it time to audition?"  
  
"No" said Piper walking in with Source who was carrying grocery bags.  
  
Piper hands Source an apron.  
  
"Blue is so not my color" said Source.  
  
"Well I don't have black" said Piper.  
  
"Ooh" said Source reaching for the pink apron. Piper cries out.  
  
"Phoebe you tramp didn't I tell you to throw out anything pink and frilly" said Piper angrily.  
  
"I didn't see that" moaned Phoebe.  
  
Jason was giving her a hickey.  
  
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN" screamed Piper.  
  
Phoebe and Jason scramble away, but not before Source spots them.  
  
"EWW" screams Source. "SEWER RATS"  
  
Before Piper can say anything he blast them with lightening bolts and fireballs. When all the noise and fireworks clear there is nothing left but a scorch mark. Leo runs in and points to Source.  
  
"You're hired" cried Leo. "I needed special effects"  
  
Ok is Leo stupid or what? More to come. How will Jason die next time? 


	6. Casting Call

Ways to kill Jason Dean 6  
  
So Piper is standing in the audition line talking to a fury.  
  
"Where do you get your nails done?" asked Piper.  
  
"Oh" said the fury. "I don't remember, I wasn't born like this"  
  
"I understand" said Piper. "I was turned into a fury about a year ago that was fun I almost killed my sister and my boyfriend"  
  
"Who's that?" asked the fury.  
  
"Cole Turner" said Piper.  
  
"Aren't you married to the fag producing this?" asked the fury.  
  
"Unfortunately" said Piper.  
  
Two grimlocks come out the basement high fiving eachother. Piper flips her script.  
  
"Great" said Piper. "I get killed by two grimlocks in the middle"  
  
"Too bad" said the fury. "My turn"  
  
Piper's on deck and she turns around and sees Phoebe walk in with her secretary writing down her orders.  
  
"Cancel my manicure, and pedicure" said Phoebe. "Get me some evian in my room and a vanity mirror with those lightbulbs"  
  
She turned to Piper.  
  
"Piper you have split ends baby" said Phoebe.  
  
Piper was fuming. Cole shimmered behind Phoebe, and she screamed.  
  
"Boo" cried Cole.  
  
Phoebe ran upstairs. Piper kissed Cole.  
  
"Baby watch the hair" said Cole talking with a New Yorker accent. He took the toothpick out of his mouth.  
  
"Who are you suppose to be?" asked Piper.  
  
"John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever" said Cole.  
  
Piper looked at his pants and blushed.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Cole.  
  
"Piper Marie Halliwell" said Piper cringing. "I should get a cool demon name"  
  
" Well, my name is Coleridge" said Cole.  
  
"Yeah but you have a demon name too" said Piper pouting.  
  
The fury came out with a smile.  
  
"Call me, Piper" said the fury shimmering away.  
  
Piper gave her thumbs up. Leo came out of the basement covered in green goo and had third degree burns.  
  
"Finally a mortal" said Leo. " Agent John Grant"  
  
A 6'2 sexy Australian with bright blue eyes stepped out of the line. Women, Demonesses and even some demons had their tongue hanging.  
  
"Cole that sexy cop looks totally like you" said Piper.  
  
Cole did a 360 and changed into his normal black suit.  
  
"No I want the tight pants back" whined Piper.  
  
John stopped in front of Cole and they were checking themselves out.  
  
"Nice hair" they both said in unison.  
  
John disappeared with Leo into the basement.  
  
"Piper would you excuse me" he said while checking out the blonde going upstairs.  
  
  
  
Finally Leo got his cast together and they were going to start filming but dumbo Leo just got his budget cut all the way down so everyone went home. Leo was pissed and crying like a little fruitcake so he stayed in the basement with his puppets. Paige ran into John she dropped her peanut butter and jelly. Paige's eyes watered. John handed it to her. Paige smiled and kept eating.  
  
"Do you mind If I use the bathroom?" asked John.  
  
"No you handsome thing you" said Paige making a mess.  
  
John looked at her weirdly.  
  
"You know, you me and Cole should have a three some" said Paige. "Like a porno video"  
  
"No thanks" said John going upstairs. He heard moaning and screaming from the two rooms next to the bathroom. He smirked needing a little sex and he wanted that chick in the tight leather. He opened door number one and he screamed shutting the door quickly.  
  
"My eyes" screamed John.  
  
Door number two opens and he screams more backing up to the railing. He falls over it colliding with Jason who's coming up the stairs. They both fall but John falls on Jason's neck and it makes a loud cracking sound. John gets up and runs out of the house. Cole turns to the blonde.  
  
"Thank you for the sex therapy Dr. Waters" said Cole.  
  
Sam smiled nervously and rushed to get her clothes.  
  
"Just call me Sam" said Sam handing him his card.  
  
"Will do" said Cole.  
  
"Cole come on we're not done yet" called Piper wrapped in a sheet. She jumped back on the bed.  
  
Cole licked his lips and him and Piper got down and dirty. As for Jason, Source found him and sent it to Hades as a gift and accidentally wrapped Phoebe with Jason's dead body.  
  
Ok this was a little slow on comedy but I promised It will get better. I went back to school last Wednesday and high school fries your brain so I will do better. Please ReviEw! 


End file.
